


Realizations

by musiclover51593



Series: Poetry [12]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-29 19:52:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15080501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musiclover51593/pseuds/musiclover51593





	Realizations

I am broken, but apparently I’m whole.

I am forgiven, but I can’t forgive myself.

I, like a Pharisee, think too highly of myself

And yet, I consider myself to be more lowly than

The beggars they would compare themselves to.

It is a ridiculous self-induced paradox. 

What a funny world we create for ourselves.

Let’s run with the idea. 

God has used all kinds of people to do His work.

So, If God used someone like Rahab, 

(not to be totally judgmental to her behavior..)

But if He can use someone like her, 

 _How much more_ can He use someone like me?

How, indeed?

If He is Love, and if His love is unconditional,

Why do I choose to believe that I have to earn 

His love, His grace,  or His forgiveness?

Because I would have to look Him in the eyes

And the thought of Him loving me anyways

Is nearly unbearable. 

I can’t comprehend it. It’s illogical.

Therefore, I don’t let myself experience it.

Why, then, do I do this to myself?

Guilt, shame, humiliation, embarrassment?

It is its own form of destructive behavior.

In music, or any other form of performing,

We are told that we are our own worst critic.

How very true. And how hard a habit to break.

Habits are what define us.

It’s high time that I develop some new habits.

Acting intentionally rather than with indifferent passivity…

Actively pursuing God and letting Him meet me where I’m at.

It’s the hardest thing in the world. 

God, I’ll need your help. And lots of it.


End file.
